I find myself consumed with my thoughts for the majority of time. What a tangled web I weave. The work is most often complete before I even realize I started.
It feels as if my heart is a slave; confusion its master. I’ve been held back just long enough that I cannot remember how it feels to push forward. Breakthrough. I need breakthrough. To believe the things I know to be truth and discard that which I know to be false, yet I have regarded as truth for so long, would be, perhaps, the greatest victory of my life.
How do you make yourself believe something that you simply don’t believe? They say you just have to choose to believe it. What happens when you proclaim that you believe something, for the sake of choosing to believe, and you still feel the same about the matter? Have you really chosen to believe? If yes, then do the feelings come later? If not, then how do you just choose something if choosing doesn’t even change anything?
What do we do with our thoughts? What do we do with our emotions? What do we do when the two are in complete conflict? How do we know which direction to look? How do we know what to hold to and what to toss?
Sometimes we don’t.
And when we don’t, our greatest victory, I believe, is to toss them both and start from the beginning.
And in the beginning was the Word.