After my crazy week of random struggles combined with many wonderful meetings with special friends, I was very much dreading my early morning work shift. I rolled out of bed at 6:30 with thoughts of only wanting to sleep. It just seemed wrong to be awake at that time. I comforted myself with plans for a nap after work. I only had to stay awake for three hours.
As I was driving to work, I found myself much more alert and very awake. The snow-packed roads made it difficult to drive in a state of slumber. As I became more circumspect I decided to call my mom. I talked to my mom for about half an hour, and although it was not an easy conversation, I very much enjoyed talking to her.
Without even knowing the importance of what she was saying, my mom made a few comments about my personality and how she just loved how happy I am, all the time. As she was saying these things I found my self thinking, “if you only knew the week I’ve had, you wouldn’t think I am happy person.” I realized, however, after our conversation that she was right.
I am a happy person. People at school and at work have always labeled me as the happy one. I can’t even begin to count the number of times I have heard someone say, “Laura is always happy.” The thing is, I just love to be happy, even in the most difficult times. It’s just who I am. I love to have joy and share joy.
After talking to my mom, I found myself extremely grateful for her words, which brought my back to a sweet truth in my life. My attitude quickly changed and I went into work and approached my shift with vitality. I had a blast with my manager and accomplished far more than I expected. As I thought about this at the end of my shift I realized that I had not been accomplishing as much at work because of the things I have been going through.
But not really.
The truth is that the things I was going through did not affect how much I accomplished; my attitude and my response to those things is what affected my work. I realized that in my attempts to not allow others to negate what I have been through, I was negating myself and abandoning the true me so that I would be someone who others care about.
As I thought about this, I just began to laugh. I could not help myself. I just kept laughing. That is just not who I am in way. Yes, I struggle and I will have times of pain. I will walk through things that are very difficult and there will be seasons for mourning before the Lord. None of those things will change what the Lord has already given me. I will always have the ability to choose to search for the joy in each of those situations and I it will always be my choice to accept what the Lord is doing and have fun with it.
So, times are hard right now, but I am feeling fun. I am feeling happy. I am feeling the joy and anticipating the sweet fruit that will grow from the seeds that are being planted during this time. It will be so fun to hand out that fruit and watch the Lord multiple it. He is so good and just loves to have fun with us, even in the hard times.
Let’s have fun.