Over the past few days I have been struggling with entering into the presence of God. I am not entirely certain of the factors which have contributed to this prohibition, but I am certain that the enemy was well pleased. With that, I am disgusted. We go through many seasons, and each has its purpose. Of this, I am well aware, and I simply have to remind myself that everything the enemy intends for bad, my God intends for good.
I met up with a good friend, Emily Lewin, yesterday evening after about a month of not communicating due to the fact that she was in Israel. I experienced so many feelings during our time together. As I listened to her describe the many facets of her trip and and attempt to explain the fact that most of her experiences couldn’t be explained, I was engulfed by a mass of emotions.
The first of those was vast amount of love for my dear friend. I developed a deep friendship with Emily over the summer as I lived in the Lewin household. The short distance between our bedrooms combined with our similar senses of humor and our deep love for another provided many opportunities for joy, laughter, tears, and a second helping of each. Emily understood me in the Spirit, which is something I had not really experienced before living with the Lewins. She knew my thoughts, my emotions, and the desires of my heart in a way that no one else ever had. I tried my very hardest to understand her just the same. Upon meeting with her yesterday, I came to understand Emily in ways in which I hadn’t before she went to Israel. I completely underestimated the size of her heart. Don’t get me wrong, I already knew it was huge, but now I know it’s so much greater than I ever could have imagined. I am so blessed to know someone whose heart is so beautiful.
I also experienced a great deal of pain as I listened to the stories which told of the many struggles of the Jewish people. I find it impossible to understand why a group of people would be so persecuted because of their heritage. It is absolutely heart breaking, and it makes me sick. For the first time in my life, Emily laid this out for me in a way that was clear. There is no reason for Hitler’s approach to the Jewish people other than demonic possession. In all of my experience with learning about the Holocaust, it was never presented in this way. It was always described as extreme political power or the strength of one man. But how does one man gain that much power here on Earth? Demonic attack is the only explanation. Although this makes me even more angry, I am happy that I have found some explanation for this.
Many other feelings accompanied our conversation, but the greatest thing to be expressed is that I have a beautiful friendship with Emily, and I have learned so little of that which I know I am to learn from her. She is simply incredible.
After meeting with sweet Emily, I found myself in a very contemplative state. I began asking God a mass number of questions about many different things. One of the main questions I asked concerned itself with entering into His presence. Why is it that I can’t enter into Your presence? God promptly responded, “You are always in my presence. You simply have to recognize that, and that requires realizing that you don’t have to do something special to enter into to something that is constantly engulfing you.”
The presence of God is always surrounding me. Always. It is not something I have to try to enter into. It is something that I have to recognize, even in the hardest times. I belong in His presence. His presence is where I belong. Therefore, I found that where I belong is right where I have been all along.
Why are we striving? Why are searching? Why do we keep looking for what is beside us, around us, and in us? His presence is always there. We don’t have to look for it! Praise God!