How many times have we heard that one?
A clever woman reminded us today that this time, it is.
This is my story. It seems unique. But it’s not, at least, not entirely.
From the medical side, this condition is as common as cancer and somehow, the world doesn’t really know about it. The number of people who are undiagnosed is probably outrageous, but the number of people who are misdiagnosed is probably even greater. The number of people who can’t get treatment is probably just as ridiculous.
The number of people who commit suicide because of it?
It said it’s at least half of all those.
These numbers are high, so really, I am just another number.
What makes my story unique is just how beautifully God is using it in my life. And perhaps that only makes it unique to me.
In the Spring, after a series of ridiculous illnesses and thinking my life couldn’t get any crazier, I walked through one of the hardest seasons of my life. Honestly, I was pretty sure my life was over. I lost a lot. I mean, A LOT. Thanks to the love of Jesus and my sweet friend named Guitar, I made it through.
I journeyed home from Rwanda and started a new life.
My emotional journey was incredibly up and down, yet somehow steady. The one thing that kept me going was a simple little verse in the Word of God:
The Lord Your God will fight for you, you need only be still.
Over and over, God reminded me of this. Day after day, I heard Him whisper these words.
There was a chunk (love that word) of time where I was convinced the world hated me and there was nothing that would ever change that. A small group of people loved me relentlessly, even when I didn’t believe they loved me. Honestly, I don’t know how my friend Olivia put up with me. My heart was just truly crushed. Harsh words were spoken to me and against me and I felt so weak.
Also, I am a fixer. So if there is a problem, I want to find the solution ASAP. It kills me when I can’t. My problem was big and there was no solution. I would brainstorm day and night, night and day, certain I would come up with a fix to the problem.
God would always whisper to me, reminding me of His promise to fight for me. He reminded me that there was only one space reserved for the fighter. Either I could take it, or I could let Him have it. Then He would remind me that He is way better at fighting than me. Either I could try to fight and do a lousy job, or I could let Him kick butt. So, as humbling as it was, I would sit back, cry a little (sometimes a lot) and let Him fight.
My faith grew like crazy and my musical gift grew with it, as I worshiped my way through.
The journey continued and I had my ups and downs like any other person.
Then.. This. Operation Laura.
Night after night, my pain and fatigue play tug-of-war. The pain has almost always won. This has left me exhausted day after day. Isolation has become a feeling all too familiar. Multiple doctors telling me I was crazy triggered wounds in my heart and my worshiping weapon has been laid aside because of pain.
So I found myself, just a week ago, telling God that I felt alone once again. I was desperate to see the power of love.
And then you came along.
And made my story unique.
Yes, you have given. Yes, you have shared. Yes, you have encouraged.
But mostly, you have been the answer to my prayer.