Let me start off by saying that I believe every woman has an incredibly beautiful and unique journey in her own pregnancy, and I am a firm believer that no one mom should force another to believe the same things, practice the same habits, or experience the same things.
Ah, okay, now, if you didn’t know already, I am pregnant! I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of my little Sadie Rae Crawford sometime late November or early December.
Being pregnant has been incredibly interesting for both my husband and myself. Having kids is something we talked very openly about from the very beginning of our relationship, long before we were married. We went through many phases, or seasons if you want to call it that, where we were set and determined regarding our timeline and our goals for starting a family.
The most amazing thing about plans and goals, however, is that the Lord always orders our steps.
Daniel and I both were unexpectedly convicted earlier this year regarding all of our self determined plans, specifically those regarding children, and even more specifically all of our absurd reasons for not wanting to get pregnant.
In one moment, we both looked at each other with tears in our eyes and decided it was time to let go of control of that.
And just like that, we started trying (not trying to not) get pregnant.
The thing is, however, when we are convicted of our sins and unrighteous behavior, thoughts, and emotions we are not always able to instantly change those thoughts or ways.
Among all of the outrageous reasons I had for not being ready to have children was the fear of becoming obese and losing everything I have worked for physically.
I wasn’t one of those people who was blessed to grow up thin, active, and in shape. It wasn’t until I was in college that I began to have a very vague understanding of health, and it was still several years after that before I was truly able to grasp the importance of changing my lifestyle as a whole in order to become healthy.
I didn’t lose weight radically and in a short amount of time; it was a slow, steady, and healthy process. I fought for it, and made tough sacrifices along the way, and chose discipline in the process.
Needless to say, the natural weight gain and body changes of pregnancy terrified me. I always had heard so many women blame their wight issues and lack of good health on having children, and I was terrified of that being my story.
So, when Daniel and I decided it was time to get pregnant, this was one of the hardest thoughts and fears to let go of.
When we found out we were pregnant, I panicked upon realizing that I would be forced to be weighed at every single visit with my doctor. I had given up weighing myself in May of 2015 prior to my wedding, as it had become an unhealthy obsession.
Although weight gain in pregnancy is totally normal, completely expected, and completely healthy to some extent, I knew my limits and I knew that I would panic every time I saw that number creep up on the scale. Even worse? It would creep up faster than some google search result suggested ideal, or faster than all the moms out there say it should.
I knew for my mental and emotional health that it was better for me to now know numbers.
So, with complete confidence, I walked into my first appointment as a newly pregnant woman and faced the scale.
Except.. I didn’t.
I boldly and confidently informed the doctor that I did not want to know my weight throughout my entire pregnancy.
And I stepped on the scale, facing away from it, and let my doctor write down the number he saw.
I have had many people ask me how much weight I have gained so far (why is that even okay?) and those individuals are always shocked to hear that I am not weighing myself.
“What if you are gaining too much?”
Well, here’s the thing.. My doctor weighs me every 4 weeks- soon to be every 3, and then every 2..
And he and I have an agreement that if I am off track, or gaining to much weight, he will tell me. We also have an agreement that he won’t tell me how much, and he won’t tell me the number on the scale.
And here’s the other thing- I still work out 6 days a week, sometimes all 7. And I do my very best to eat healthy, and I have barely increased my calories.
So then I hear, “what if you aren’t gaining enough weight? What if baby isn’t healthy?”
My doctor weighs me every 4 weeks- soon to be every 3, and then every 2..
He will tell me if I am not gaining enough weight.
He will tell me if I need to slow down my exercise, and he will tell me if I need to eat more.
He is a trained professional, and I choosing to trust his knowledge and input. I can only do my part anyway, right?
I could eat healthy and exercise every single day for my entire pregnancy, and still gain 70lbs. Seriously, it happened to a friend of mine- and she literally could not explain it, but she lost it all within 2 months.
On the flip side, I could eat junk and indulge in every single craving and still only gain 30lbs. That happens all the time and I won’t pretend I am not at least a little jealous of those women.
But really, at the end of the day, I can only do my part to stay healthy and take care of myself and my baby.
The rest is up to genetics I suppose.
So, why worry about the number on the scale?
What matters most to me is that I am healthy, on track, and doing my part- and as long as my doctor says I am doing okay- I feel confident and even proud of this decision to simply let go.