I think I have asked myself this question at least forty seven times today.
I know what that sounds like, but it’s not what you think.
I don’t ask that question from a dark place. I have not found myself in the center of a ridiculous meltdown. I simply enjoy abiding in an inquisitive state.
Now, I will never claim that being in such a state is always a good place to be. I will say, however, that inquiry will always provoke a lesson of some sort.
As for today, inquiry is challening me to walk in a greater confidence, and obtain the perfect balance between patience and impatience.
As I ask myself what I am doing, I find myself a little confused and wondering if I am doing anything right. When those feelings arise, I then have this sense of comfort, believing that everything is always in God’s perfect timing. Then I think about Jesus returning, and I ask myself if God’s timing is, in fact, perfect, is it wrong for me to wish for Jesus to return sooner?
As I delve into this deep conversation with myself, I can come to only one conclusion.
It must be both.
Patience and impatience both have their proper place.
I know impatience has a negative connotation, so perhaps the better way to describe it is as determination. One definition of impatience is even listed as “eagerly desirous.”
Determination, or being eagerly desirous, will always take us far, when equally matched with patience. If we have determination, but have no patience, we will quickly become overwhelmed when something does not work, and find ourselves wanting to give up. On the other hand, if we are only patient, never feeling determined, we will never work towards accomplishing that which God has called us to.
When perfectly matched, however, patience and determination will carry us into the beauty of our calling. The eager desire to accomplish any goal will give us the energy to run the race, while the patience will give us the strength to carry on when we are faced with an obstacle.
So, just what am I doing?
I am learning the balance between patience and impatience.